How to Bake a Cake
by likekattheboss
Summary: The story of Portal 2, but not a retelling of it. No shippig, OCs or humanizations. :3


**How to Bake a Cake**

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><p>"Ha! I knew we were going the right way." exclaimed the core beside me. I was sure he didn't, and that we were here by sheer luck, but I was never going to say anything because there was always a chance that <em>She<em> could have heard us.

"_This_ is the Neurotoxin Generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness." he announced with triumph in his voice.

The catwalk I had been following lead me up and around some _thing_ in the centre of the room, which was barely visible in the dark, and I came to another 'motion sensor' door-thing, which no doubt had another door following it. It opened once I was about a foot away with a loud whirring noise and a clank, which if I was not used to, would have made me jump.

"There's some sort of control room up top. Let's go investigate."

The _thing_, according to the core, was the Neurotoxin Generator, and after passing through the second door I could see lava-ish glows from_... Incinerator rooms?_

"Aaaaaaaaaaah!" came a screech as a turret flew out of one of the rooms in the walls. _Turret Redemption Lines... _The core laughed.

"Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them suppose."

I ran to the small elevator ahead, and I let it take me up. _Each step I take is another step to freedom_, I thought.

A laser and a big red button greeted me at the top of the elevator.

"I'm afraid the door's locked. Just checked it. No way to hack it as far as I can tell. The mechanism must be on the- oh, now look at that. That's a big laser."

I slammed my hand on the button to see some panels drop revealing a portable surface.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT BUTTON- oh, the door's open! Well done. Let's see what's inside."

I sped through the door. _God, I swear that he has no idea what he is doing. This is like being alone, but worse._

"Good news."

_This could literally go anywhere._

"I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system."

_Yes._

"It is, however, password protected."

_Crap._

"AH! Alarm bells! No! Don't worry! Not a problem for me."

I legged it to the laser to shoot a portal, and I felt the energy surge through me as it opened up on the white surface. When I returned, I was stunned by what was in front of me.

The full Neurotoxin Generator was MASSAVE and had several thick pipes hanging out of it that trailed into the walls, and the shape of the deathly machine reminded me of a sand timer, for some reason. I noticed a moving white panel by four of the pipes, and immediately shot a portal there causing the laser to slice them open leaving neurotoxin flowing out into the air.

"Do you smell neurotoxin? Hold on! The neurotoxin levels are going down! So whatever you're doing, KEEP DOING IT! Hold on, something's wrong. Neurotoxin levels up to 50%. No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!"

I shot a portal on another moving white panel on the ceiling that began to cut the remaining four pipes.

"That did it! Neurotoxin at zero percent! Yes! Hold on-"

The entire floor started shaking. Panic filled me.

Alarms. Blaring so loud that I could barely hear myself think.

"Warning. Neurotoxin pressure has reached dangerously unlethal levels." said the 'male voice'.

The floor began shaking more violently than ever when the Neurotoxin Generator began to crush itself and a plastic pipe fell from the wall by the core. _ HELP ME!_ The glass broke and everything began to get sucked up into the hole where the pipe was from, _including me and the core_.

"GAH!"

_Is that confetti?_ I thought, as I saw random coloured strips of paper fly past me into darkness.

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><p>The core slowly turned his light on, but we had already gone out of the blackness and into what looked like the <em>manufacturing pipes<em>.

"This should take us right to her! I can't believe I'm finally doing this!"

I have to say, I enjoyed being sucked through the pipes. It was such a rush that I almost forgot to be scared.

"Woo! I KENW this would be fun! They told me it wasn't fun at all, they said 'it wasn't fun' and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time..."

He sparked as we flew through the pipes, and he also began to show off by doing flips. I would have, but there wasn't enough space... I wasn't afraid, or anything. Why would you _say_ such a thing?

"This place is huge! And we're only seeing the top layer! It goes down for miles! All sealed off years ago, of course. We should be getting close. Ooh, I can't wait to see the look on her face. No neurotoxin, no turrets – she'll never know what hit her! Hold on. I might not have thought this next part COMPLETELY through."

_I didn't think he thought any of this through. _He whizzed down a tube to the left when three other tubes connected, and I kept flying straight. Every so often, I had to re-grip the Portal Gun to prevent it from being sucked away.

"Aggh! I'm going the wrong way! Get to HER! I'll find you!"

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><p>I fell out of the tube and landed onto a catwalk that lead upwards into a wrecked corridor. I turned left, and to my surprise, I saw a huge white panel on the ceiling far away! I shot a portal there, and one right next to me, then leapt through to land on a... <em>Uh oh...<em>

It was a room made out of black panels, with a single door labelled 'GLaDOS EMERGENCY SHUTDOWN AND CAKE DISPENSARY- KEEP UNLOCKED'. I poked it with my finger, and it collapsed. Completely.

_Holy crap. I'm trapped. Whatdoidowhatdoido?!_

"I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that." said an unamused, cold voice.

Lights came on and the panels began to close in on me. Of course, I had a panic attack and did what any normal person would do: FREAK OUT.

"In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one. If I'd have known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling."

The floor then opened up and I fell into Her chamber.

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><p><strong>AN: Huge first chapter, and I have to say, I'm proud of it. Reviews are welcome, just saying... :D**

**I will be skipping through the Portal timeline a bit, just for funzies, and it is NOT a retelling of the story. Some parts may not even include Chell, but I'll let you know when that is the case...**

**I would have uploaded more of The Secrets of Aperture, but I didn't have my phone, and I'd already started it on that... Oh well! **

**UNTIL NEXT CHAPTER! :D**


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